Words and photos by Angel Fabre
the anger in one’s soul will soon prove to
no longer have meaning
the urge for violence will soon take over
and all that will be left is
the blood of the innocent and not so innocent
soon the world will be faced with the world’s blood
on the world’s hands
nobody’s sins will be forgiven
suppose we are all condemned?
until you are comfortable
with being alone
you will never know if
you’re choosing someone
out of love or
asking someone to be yours
or even on a date
is on my list of the scariest things ever
i managed to do it though.
most people would find that extremely amusing
considering the fact that i am a girl.
i never understood what the big deal was
but i do understand how it makes you feel internally.
you overthink everything and end up repeating some cliché
lines in the mirror.
that was me.
and throughout my constant rehearsals,
my plan failed.
in my mind, your gentle arms cradled me
and assured me everything
was going to be all right.
in reality, your shoulder was cold
and you forgot about me
like my future obsessions will.
it’s all very odd, you see
i had a dream about you, baby
it was weeks ago but
i still remember the dream very well
we were all out with your friends and i
assume things had gotten wild enough
for me to wake up in your bed
the next morning
naked. i was naked. you were naked.
i got up quickly saying:
“i think i was drunk last night”
in which you replied:
it’s weird because in these situations
you would assume you’d possess feelings of complete happiness and joy.
the love of my life was so happy
to be receiving such a great present yet
i could barely manage to hug him.
something that i had always looked forward to everyday.
but as i watched him carefully undo the wrapping paper
i leaned against the window sill and kept shaking
and i couldn’t stop.
it was something about the way he smiled at me;
the way everyone was so ecstatic
about the present that made the butterfly cage in my stomach explode
to the point where it was hard for me to wrap my mind around that he was happy.
i made him happy.
maybe it was too overwhelming
and i guess i realized that he just overwhelms me.
just being in his presence
makes me analyze everything i’ll ever say or do.
i just want him to like me and maybe he does
and maybe my timing is wrong because of his girlfriend.
but the feeling i experienced today was so undeniable
that i wonder if i could ever be with him.
because the deepness of his voice and subtle touch
had me shaking and now every time i look at him
i will remember that feeling.
i will remember my trembling limbs and grinding teeth.
and right now i can’t decide
if that makes me want him more
or if i just can’t have him at all.
about these poems: i have always had the idea of publishing a book in the back of my mind. these poems are a collection of works that i’ve written throughout high school (and are in no specific order). my work centers around my many emotions and with this series: love. what else is there really to do in high school?